Balance

It's interesting to take a moment and think about balance.

Balance in work and home lives. Balancing financials. Physically keeping your balance. 

Recently it's been tough to find a good balance. Work is stressful, and that makes it harder to take time for home focus and the practices that could help the feeling of balance (like yoga). And home is a mix of changes and an imbalance with communication as the hubby has an extremely stressful work time right now too.

I saw something recently about marriages not being 50-50 but more like sometimes 80-20. And I think we would both need to sit down and really look at the level right now, but I don't think we'd like what we see.

I'm a personality that likes to fix things. And I do tend to have plans and lists. 

But I knowingly married a soul that culturally does not do well with plans and lists are great, if he's not the one in charge of keeping it and he isn't expected to keep to it. 

It's an interesting mix but we work. And this isn't really where I expected to go when writing this but it is a big factor and he is a large part of my home life. 

My goals are not just better health and (still quite a bit of) weight loss. My goals also include genuine balance, happiness and maybe even finding a passion. 

I noticed a big change in resting heart rate and calmer reactions when I felt more balanced. I left work there and I came home and made yoga a priority. I didn't over or stress eat. I even dove into learning new things like crystals. 

Yet a big curve ball at work gets thrown and I feel like I've gone several steps backwards. My new habits were easily broken. And yes my eating is fine and weight loss still occurring, albietly slower than before. But it's the feeling of being behind, losing the motivation, failing my goal that weighs me down the most. 

It's summer, which used to be my favorite season but the way my brain is acting is like it is the dead of winter outside with it's bouts of hopelessness. 

I'm taking this moment to pause the "oh it's gonna be fine" self talk for a moment to just write what's on my mind. 

I don't like to go down rabbit holes but I think some self awareness to where I am right now will be helpful in getting on a new path. I'm not going to use the phrase back on track because on paper, I never strayed too far but clearly it's not working like it was before. And if it got derailed so easily maybe I need new options not just what I had been doing. 

One change I'll be making is in my approach to yoga. I love the yoga with adriene videos. But sometimes they don't match my energy or mood or the time I have that day. And eventually I'd run out of her 30 day options. So I am not fully giving those up but I acquired (thank you Amazon) some yoga cards. I am going to try a new route - building my own practice with what I feel like that day. Less structured for what to do and when. But hopefully more fulfilling for listening to my body and staying in the moment. 

I am taking a long weekend off work to try and recenter / rebalance myself before having to put the work stress load back in as a factor. 

I am very hopefully this time off will be just what I need to feel better and be a big step towards restoring some of my balance.